Christopher Columbus, and Julius

Christopher Columbus and Julius


Christopher Columbus leaned against the railing of his quarter deck watching the moon.


It had been a tough week, they were running low on water and food, the crew was mutinying, there was no sign of anything except more water, and while “no sign” included the edge of the world, it also included land.


Half right was proving a tough place to be.


He was thinking of Julius Caesar, he bet there had been a point, just after he and the army had finished crossing the Rubicon, when he had been mumbling to himself.  “You sure about this Julius? I mean, if it doesn’t work it is going to be a little tough to get away with ‘oh, we took a bad turn in Vienna, and just got lost, really. That was the Rubicon? Gee wiz, sorry.’” To a pissed off senate.


Probably he took a deep breath, tossed a book of matches to Tony, his second in command, and said “burn the damn bridge”.


Our friend Christopher was aware of the Ides of March, and the soft costs of burning bridges.


On the other hand, they didn’t have enough food to get back. and there was no wind.


Which is why he was leaning on the railing of the quarterdeck, scratching his head.


He was also wondering what his wife would say about all this.

No matter what history says about Christopher Columbus, he did love his wife.


(The back story on his son taking him home in chains is that Mrs. Columbus was missing him, and Chris kind of forgot that he had done what he set out to do, and was just hanging out, having fun. So she sent their son to bring him home. True fact, you can find it his diaries. But we are getting a bit ahead of ourselves.)


Did you ever wonder about Christopher Columbus’s conversations with his wife?


You like to think she said “Go for it Baby”, and you like to think he said “Well…the Queen likes the idea, but, damn, I’m going to miss you.”


You like to think a lot of stuff, but you know there was a point he was thinking “What was I thinking”.


Here he was out in the middle of no-where, nearly out of everything, wishing she had said “are you frigging nuts!”, and that, for once, he had listened to her.


“Oh well”, he sighed, “can’t go back, let’s just keep on heading west.”


He did hang a couple of mutineers in the next few days, and kicked the ships cat, which made him feel better. The rest, as they say, is history.

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